felt experience
Suddenly, I realize something... so obvious. To the point it feels ridiculous, and interesting. Life was difficult back there and now is. Either way.
Back in time when I was still in the “I must get a job at any price” zone, life wasn’t easy still. Even I was almost willing to take in anything. Out of desperation. I gave in more than I got in return. It was very difficult even I was despair willingly.
So why choose that despair difficulty?
“When you were willing, it was difficult. As you are not so willing now, how hard it would be?”
Valid.
I don’t have an answer. Maybe... because this is my life. So I decide.
It was difficult. I tried. Had tried. Very hard. Barely breathed. Barely survived. But survived...? Sometimes, I wonder: desperate, survived, difficult, overwhelmed, barely breath, etc. must be felt experience. They are. Because it seems the external circumstance or conditions aren't the main orchestra for that felt experience. It is one of the instruments.
One might have a house with yards, and still feel “Every day I wake up, I step into a battle. Every month ending, I feel hopelessly insecure.” One might have a decent job, but still feel “I barely keep my face out of the water.” One might have none, owned house or income, but feel “I have buffer. I can stretch a little more.”
Those aren’t logical versus irrational thoughts. Those are data.
Those don’t say “Feeling is irrational. I must be crazy to feel that.” They ask “Which external organization might correlate to certain felt experience? Why? What are absent or present that associate to that felt experience?”
Data.
Two people say “I love photography”. Similar. But underneath, things might be world different. One likes it because it captures the moments that shall pass. It reminds of the impermanence of life. The other likes it because it tells the story that only looking as close, one might see. Each will take different photos. Different approaches. Different angles. Different experience. Different frequency. Different underneath organizations.
And possible that the frequency underneath can be re-introduced in different forms than ‘taking photo’. Photograph is an expression. There are more than one for the same motivating frequency.
And it's related. To felt experience.