strangely familiar
It has been 1.5 years and I secretly feel like this smaller journey is about to end. Or maybe I wish it would.
I have been feeling like a loner more and more, no matter who I meet.
Like their life happens on x and mine happens on z. We are still living on the same ground. But I can't meet any of them anymore. It feels like if I want to meet them, something in me has to be torn away, separated, goes on meeting the person, and... stays out of myself.
Do I know how to meet them? I do.
It has been some time, since I came back. Every meeting feels like an attempt to find where I can touch them while still staying connected to self. But so far, it seems to be... unsuccessful. Like I can only choose one. Connecting to self, or touching them. As if what I look for is just a mere myth. It hurts because when a person goes back to their planet, they seem to feel lonely. But they don't know where they can meet others without leaving their planet. Is it just an unrealistic dream?
I once thought if I were buried in work, I could escape from feeling wildly fragmented. But it seemed at the very end, my survival kicked off. It didn't let me drift further.
Some days I still wonder if it was a good or bad luck to be pulled back while still can.feel?
That evening if I had been buried deep in the snow, maybe it could have been...
Canada was an escape. But now I miss it like... home? Or maybe familiarity.
The feeling of "nobody knows me" feels strangely familiar.
And here, I feel like a stranger among people who "know" me.